So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
whose ass print is on the piano?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
