yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
