The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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