You're completely useless in the revolution.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
