At least make sure they are 18
Why
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
