how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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