so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
