can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
