I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
