I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
