dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
