Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
