I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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