he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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