Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
This show inspires me to have sex in space
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I will be naked everywhere
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
