On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
