i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
