then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
