just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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