i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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