everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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