Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
