you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
