Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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