I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
