How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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