her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
