I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
