just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
