he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
