Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
