Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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