Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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