Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Come see our sink grown plant.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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