Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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