Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
