I have demons in me.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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