i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
