im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
