Jerry, you need to find god
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
