i just had sex bonerless
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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