just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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