Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
