Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
