I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Randomize
