maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
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