my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
