Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Duck Duck Cougar?
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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