I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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