The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
