connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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