i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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