State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
