ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
