Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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